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Behavior Information |
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The Whiner
Action: Identify causes of misbehavior.
Pinpoint student needs being revealed.
Employ specific methods, procedures, and techniques at school and at home for getting the child to modify or change his/her behavior.
- Primary Causes of Misbehavior
- Self-Confidence
This student covers up his/her low self-esteem by being a whiner.
- Primary Needs Being Revealed
- Escape from Pain
This student may be experiencing a great deal of pain that is unknown to the teacher. The student's whining is a cover for pain.
- Secondary Needs Being Revealed
- Affiliation
This student needs someone to be a real friend, someone he/she can trust. The student will be more likely to change his/her behavior because of that trust.
- Achievement
This student must experience success.
- Status
The whiner needs recognition as someone important. Peers and adults must recognize rather than ignore this student, help rather than tear down, repair rather than Injure.
- Deal with the whiner on a one-to-one basis.
- Deal with the student on an objective, unemotional level.
- Be patient.
- Gently lead him/her back to the task at hand.
- Help this student set goals for task-oriented projects. However, do so in small steps; set short-range rather than long-range goals.
- If you're trying to counsel the student regarding behavior or academic achievement, and he/she reveals many problems, never try to tackle all the problems at once. Rather, establish priorities and proceed one goal at a time. This student is overwhelmed with the enormity and the number of his/her problems, and can't attempt to solve them all. Whatever the problems-low test scores, late paper, talking in class-don't tackle all at one time or this student's chances for success in any are reduced.
- Help the student understand the consequences of failure and irresponsible behavior.
- Sometimes it's hard to correct this student because we can't get the whiner to admit he/she is wrong. The whiner automatically says, "It wasn't my fault," or "I didn't do anything," as if a compelling force makes him/her deny all guilt. Fear of punishment may be the cause. Regardless, here's a technique you can use to break the shell. Begin by accepting a little bit of the blame. Say, "I may have been able to prevent this problem . . . now, what can we do about it?" You'll find this approach will break the ice-and let you deal with the problem rather than the denial.
- When this student continually says, "See how hard I tried," don't be quick to buy in and praise him/her. Rather, nod or give some other nonverbal communication without a word- and wait for results. This action allows you to avoid rejecting-or encouraging-the whining behavior. The whiner can develop a failure-oriented behavior if you always accept trying as achievement. To motivate this student, counsel privately regarding what he/she can do to make efforts pay off, instead of using mere effort as an excuse for lack of achievement.
- Here's an old approach-but a good one. Remind the whiner what it would be like if everyone in class or school did what he/she does. Young people-and older ones as well-are usually able to relate to this logic. For best results, do so in a caring but factual way. Try this technique before you even consider reprimand. Remember, students are in a learning situation. Teaching students self-control is superior to issuing reprimands. Help students learn to think in terms of the total consequences and collective-of their actions.
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