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Behavior Information |
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The Blurter
Action: Why is my child behaving this way, what unmet needs does he or she have, and what specific things can I do to help him or her behave better?
- Primary Causes of Misbehavior
- Attention
This is more a social problem than a discipline problem. It may become a discipline problem if treated as such.
- Primary Needs Being Revealed
- Gender/Identity
This child may be attempting to establish a relationship with the opposite sex and using this behavior to attract attention.
- Secondary Needs Being Revealed
- Affiliation
A close friend may be a strong influence to reduce the negative behavior.
- Status
This child is trying to be somebody who is noticed, to enhance his or her position among peers or adults.
- Accept one important fact: This child is more disturbing to parents and teachers than to siblings or classmates. With this awareness, an adult is more likely to respond in an appropriate way.
- Remember, behavior of the blurter is either over-anxious or attention seeking.
- Don't show your anxiety by blurting back; if you do, you give this child the attention he or she wants, as well as the opportunity to be disruptive and continue the exchange. Responding with silence—especially without appearing sarcastic and vindictive—will often sober such children more quickly than anything else. Saying something like "I'd like to continue this conversation privately later, so I'll talk to you after dinner," may also prove effective.
- Acknowledge your child—whenever this behavior occurs—with eye contact or hand movements, but no verbal comment.
- Above all, be patient. It may take your child time to control his or her anxiety. However, with parent concern, caring, and attention, you can count on one important factor: This child will try.
- Speak softly and calmly, and never reprimand him or her in the presence of peers.
- Stand close to your child, or put your hand gently on him or her during family discussions.
- When you talk to the blurter privately, tell him or her all the techniques you plan to employ. Be patient because it may take a long time to begin to control his or her anxiety, which is the source of the blurting.
- Be sure to tell your child why his or her blurting isn't really appropriate behavior. Share specific instances.
- Talk to the blurter about the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness.
- Turn to this child for responses when he or she is quiet and not trying to blurt out.
- Praise your other children for being good listeners. Praise the blurter as well, when he or she is a good listener.
- Give extra attention in positive ways when the blurter is not being disruptive—rather than allowing him or her to be recognized only negatively.
- Occasionally, ignore blurting.
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